Bright light city's gonna set my soul
Gonna set my soul on fire
I got a whole lot of money that's ready to burn
So get those stakes up higher
I'm gonna give it everything I got
Lady Luck, please, let the dice stay hot
Let me shoot a seven with every shot
Hey, viva Las Vegas
Viva Las Vegas
Viva Viva
Las Vegas
Why are they doing that?
- That was Copper KettIe. - Really?
Sung by our Gifted and Talented choir.
Just one advantage your children will enjoy
if they are accepted into our Gifted and Talented program.
- Thank you all for coming. - And thank you, Mrs. Falvey,
for a delightful evening of discussion and song.
My husband and I had a great time, didn't we?
Oh, yeah, you guys sure beat the hell out of the dumb kids' choir.
I love that program for Sierra. Those kids seemed really neat.
- What's wrong with you? - This is a great opportunity for her.
- Hey, the door's locked. Sierra! - In a minute!
- You guys are back early. - Why was the door locked?
I don't know. The better question is,
why do we live in a world where the doors need locks?
I think she's got us there.
You're gonna love the Gifted and Talented program.
Mrs. Falvey's coming by tomorrow for the interview.
- Great. Awesome. - These flowers are pretty.
Where did they come from?
- I picked them. - Really? You did?
Yup. Excuse me for wanting to make things look beautiful around here.
She's in a weird mood.
Maybe she senses a copper kettle in her future.
- Siegfried, I need a new tanning bed. - Why?
I want to be "cinnamon." This one only goes to "gypsy. "
You must be quiet. I am watching the tube of boobs.
- FeeIing thirsty? - Yes. I am feeling thirsty.
That is the third time he has asked me this.
Roy! I need you! Come quickly!
What is the problem?
Cooloff with a Super Big GuIp drink at your IocaI Seven-EIeven.
- I want to have the "ahh!" - Okay, you shall have it.
Thunder! Lightning!
Larry! Oh, my God! Get in here.
I'm kind of busy, hon. I'm working on the...
Boy, did my daughter hit the jackpot with you.
This is a nightmare. Look what I just found in Sierra's room.
Please tell me this isn't what I think it is!
- Yeah, that's catnip. - Oh God, our daughter's a niphead.
Nice. You run a tight ship, champ.
This explains the locked doors, the attitude.
Look, she's a teenager.
- She's bound to experiment. - Bound to experiment.
Way to parent with authority. Call me when she's pregnant.
We failed as parents. We completely failed.
Why is she doing this?
When I was a teenager I never tried catnip. Did you?
Me? Catnip? Never.
Hey, kitty cats. What's happenin'?
We just found this in Sierra's room.
This must take you back.
Always had the good stuff, huh, buddy?
Always a party at Larry's. Lots and lots of ladies.
Some say they were only there for the nip, but at least they were there.
This ring any bells?
- He's not doing it right. - I don't care!
We have a serious situation here. Today. Now.
- What are we gonna do? - Okay, calm down.
- We'll talk to her about it. - Great.
What are you gonna say when she asks if you did it as a kid?
Exactly. We need professional help.
It's good you came to see me about your daughter.
I've seen it all in my long life.
Ravi Shankar, the Beatles, that whole crazy scene.
Fact: I am Lucy from Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds.
You don't know, because McCartney wants credit for everything.
You're "Lucy?" But you're a guy.
It was a weird time for all of us.
Your daughter's a nip jockey.
Well, we don't know for sure, but we're very concerned.
You should be. Fact: we're talking gateway drug here, man.
First it's a little catnip, then horse tranquilizers.
Before you know it, they're darting.
- Darting? - Sleep darts. Watch this.
This is a rare video shot by an associate of mine in Africa.
- Yeah, so? - Now watch when I blow it up
and slow it down.
Oh, yeah.
This is more footage of the same lion.
Look how cunning he becomes in his search for the sweet nectar.
Oh, yeah.
Sadly, this is how they all end up.
Hey!
Fact: there were no remains.
- What's that? - Don't get cute.
This isn't a game. It's catnip.
Or as you and your friends might call it,
"mulch," "snorkel," "monkey junk," "street cheese" or...
..."Siamese coleslaw."
What? You think that's mine?
- We found it in your room. - Oh my God, you searched my room?
What happened to privacy?
We saw a movie about a lion that drove a truck!
We're not gonna let that happen to you.
- Well, it's not mine! - Then whose is it?
I don't know. Maybe one of my friends put it there.
Maybe it's Siegfried and Roy's. That would explain the outfits.
- We're supposed to believe that? - Yeah, because it's the truth.
I don't believe it. You don't trust me.
No, we don't trust you. For all we know, you're high on the...
...Friedman right this minute.
Honey, that's the doctor that did the study.
- You guys are insane. - No, we're a new generation of parents.
We had a lot of fun, so now you don't have to.
Well, congratulations, I didn't want to do drugs before,
- but now maybe I will. - You're grounded!
You are the worst parents ever!
We are not, my parents were!
Hello everybody, I am Siegfried.
And I am Roy.
Hello.
We have come to the Sieben-Eleven.
How is everybody doing tonight? Terrific.
Look what I have found, Ziggy.
I do not like this one.
Or that. Goodbye.
- How dare you! - We'll start a tab.
Hello, security camera! Here is one crime you cannot stop.
I stole a six pack.
- The Big Gulp. I have found him! - Oh, my God.
Roy is trembling.
No!
Stay down for once in a while.
Larry.
One day, when the kids are out of the house, you and me?
We're going to this place.
I feel bad about the way we handled things with Sierra.
Were we right not to trust her?
I think so. I mean, she is a teenager.
I know. Let's at least go in and tell her we still love her.
Good idea.
Sierra? Can we talk to you?
Sierra, come on, we've got to talk about what happened today.
Honey? Are you okay?
Hunter. What are you doing in Sierra's bed?
She said if I didn't pretend to be her, she'd kill Santa.
Don't worry, buddy. There's no Santa.
What?
Hunter, I'm not going to ask you again. Where's Sierra?
I don't know where she went.
Honey, come on. Where did your sister go?
Dusseldorf. The powerhouse of industrial Germany.
Hunter, come on. I helped you with that geography report.
So, you wanna play hardball.
Well. What's this? Oh, water.
As I recall, little kitty cats don't like water.
I don't know where she is.
I've cracked harder nuts than you, mister.
I'm hit. Oh, officer down.
- Maybe she went to the rave. - The rave?
I heard some older kids talking about it.
I didn't know there was a rave scene in our community.
Oh, yeah. They throw down once a month.
You see all the craziest kids here. What up, bro?
It's cool, Ping Pong, they're with me.
Good luck, guys. Oh, and if you need to chill,
check out the Moroccan Room. Happenin'!
Sierra?
Hey, baby.
It's gonna be tough to find her in here.
Just stay right behind me.
Oh, yeah. I'm on fire.
Hey, party people, what comes before part B?
Part-aaaaaay!
Burnin' up.
Excuse me. I'm looking for my daughter.
Do any of you go to school with my daughter?
Sweetheart, it's okay, we love you.
I love you too, Daddy!
I don't want to live with Mom anymore.
- Okay... - I love you, speaker.
I'm going home now. Sorry to interrupt.
And if any of you touch my daughter,
I'll pull out your intestines and eat them while you watch.
Have fun everybody.
She's not here. Let's go.
Congratulations. I crown you Miss Most Likely To Make Out With Me.
Henry Davis? I'm in a book club with your mother.
Abort, abort, abort.
Hey, you just gave away my nip necklace.
That was quality mulch, man.
Dude, she's hot, and I totally went all the way with her.
Sweet.
I must find the formula to fix the machine.
Times the absolute value of syrup,
minus the cosine of cola.
I failed to factor in the root beer!
Perhaps we should get Slurpees.
Nein! We didn't come all this way to slurp.
We came to gulp. Now leave me to my work.
No! No!
I'm sorry. You are a good dancer. I was laughing at something else.
Can we talk later? I'm not supposed to be on the phone.
Honey, no...
I can't believe she broke up with me.
Then do not believe it and it will not be.
Go! Go to her now and tell her that she is a rainy day.
- What? - Yes, she is a rainy day
that waters the flowers of your soul. Out!
- My shift isn't up for two hours. - Roy is shifting now.
- You can't work the register. - Is it impossible?
No.
That's a shame, for Siegfried and Roy are masters of the impossible.
Now go! Go to your Lizzy with the two left feet.
It's already morning. Where is she?
This is our fault. She ran away because we didn't trust her.
God, I'm exhausted. And I'm starving.
Have one of these.
Thank God you're all right.
- Where have you been? - We're sit...
- Your father and I are upset with you. - That's absolutely right.
You'll learn a whole new meaning for punishment.
- You've got that right. - When I was your age,
I would have never done something like this.
Let me shout. You're taking all the good stuff.
Where have you been? Don't say the rave, we were there.
Why? You wouldn't believe me anyway.
Hold it. You're not going anywhere
until you tell us where you've been all night.
I was with Dean, my new boyfriend, okay?
- New boyfriend? - Yeah.
I didn't want to tell you about him because he's a little older.
And he has a kid.
Can we go back to when you were on drugs?
Nothing happened. You guys were so heinous
for not believing me, I needed to talk to someone.
Well, that's not acceptable. Your father and I were very, very furried about you.
Hey, check it out. I just said furried.
Furried. That's awesome. Who are you?
Are you guys okay?
Orange you glad I didn't say banana?
- I don't get it. - Me neither.
Oh my God, have you guys lost your minds?
Can I talk to you? I feel funny.
Me, too. You know, I haven't felt this way since...
Oh my God, it just hit me.
There must've been nip in those sausages.
What are we gonna do?
Oh my God. It just hit me.
There must've been nip in those sausages.
You must be Sierra. I'm Mrs. Falvey from the Gifted and Talented Program.
- Are you ready for your evaluation? - Hey, I know you.
So, to make a long story short, the gazelle stomped out the fire
and we got the heck out of there.
That's fascinating, but I asked if you had any other children.
Right.
Kate, you wanna field this one?
- Awesome. - I have a brother named Hunter.
Mom, Dad, why don't you go get us something to drink?
- They're not morning people. - I think we're doing well.
Yeah, but I don't know how much longer I can be cool.
But we have to hold it together for Sierra.
Oh my God, Kate,
you've gotta try this.
I love history.
My term paper was about the role of lions in early Christianity.
And science. I like science.
Excuse me for one second.
What the heck is going...
Holy crap, are these nip sausages?
After all the speeches and the judgements,
how could you guys be such hypocrites?
Drugs are bad.
Look, I can't deal with this right now, okay?
Just stay in here and don't blow this for me.
- Are your parents all right? - Oh yeah, they're great.
So great they want to challenge me,
and have me finish this interview by myself.
That's them, encouraging my independence,
promoting curiosity, challenging me intellectually...
- You're like this giant doughnut. - Push me faster.
I wanna go back in time.
Well, I think I've seen enough here.
Thank you for a very interesting visit.
Larry, go long.
TumbIe out of bed And stumbIe to the kitchen
Pour myseIf a cup of ambition
Yawn and stretch And try to come to Iife
Hello customer, how are you doing today? Terrific.
Gum? Would you like some Vienna sausage with that, Rick?
My name's not Rick.
Now it is.
It is done.
- You are a genius! - Tell me something not known to myself.
Thank you. You saved my life.
I found Lizzy, we made up and we just got married.
Congratulations!
A hobo dropped a Slurpee in aisle three. Chop chop.
And now we are going to have the drink of the magical faeries. Sprite.
How did you do all of this?
Well, I used the freon from the cooling tank to create the fog.
Then for the laser, I...
No, no. Just say it was magic.
It was magic.
- We ruined our daughter's life. - Thanks, honey.
- Sierra, we are so, so sorry. - Whatever.
Okay, to be fair, we did find catnip in your room.
For the last time, that wasn't mine.
What a night.
Martha the Lion?
Not much of a looker, but worth it for the breakfast.
- Hey, where's my vase? - Your vase?
The green one with butterflies painted on it.
And catnip stashed in the bottom?
That's the one. I'm gonna need that back. Not the vase so much.
The catnip was yours? I got blamed for that!
Tough break. Don't do drugs. Stay in school.
That's it? We just blew her chance to get into the honors program!
What kind of example are you setting?
Him? What about you?
I told you all along it wasn't my nip, and you didn't believe me!
You're right.
None of this would have happened if we'd just trusted you.
Yeah. Just because we were a little wild as kids doesn't mean you'll be.
From now on, Sierra, we trust you completely.
Excellent, because Dean's taking me camping this weekend.
Don't worry, we'll each have our own sleeping bag.
He's bringing his kid, so nothing's gonna happen.
That's great, sweetheart.
Daughters. I feel for ya.
Seriously, where'd you put my nip?
Anyway, your grades are splendid
and I've always been impressed with you.
But to be honest, I was inclined to reject you because of...
...yesterday's reprehensible display.
By the way, sweet "D" on that pass.
But after some reflection, I've reconsidered and decided
- to accept you after all. - Yeah!
You have really made our...
- No, no, I just meant... - I wish you all the best.
Thanks for everything, Martha. You're a peach.
This morning's eggs?
My pleasure.
I think I speak for everyone when I say, ick.
Happiness is being a grandparent.
Nothing says refreshment better than an icy cold Seven-EIeven Big GuIp.
UnIess that Big GuIp is teamed up with
one of our fresh, deIicious Seven-EIeven chiIi dogs.
- I want the mmmm. - Me too.
Thunder! Lightning!
They're in the shop.
Darryl! Justin!